Gloves. The least advertised of the defenses. The truth is, however, that no amount of martial arts or professional training can protect you quite like a pair of Badass gloves.
Gloves are the greatest bully, theft, and mugging defense since man has become civilized. There is nothing on this earth that can defend and inspire fear (unless you count Chuck Norris) like a good, loyal pair of gloves. Though not scientifically proven, this video shows that even aggressive males can be put at bay by even the silliest of gloves. Now imagine if this young man had had leather spiked gloves. He would have not only hurt his assaulters to the point of hospitalization, but the building could have potentially exploded because of the icredibly high "cool factor" that follows such a pair of hand ornaments.
There's a reason gloves were used to start a duel in old times: they are cool beyond comprehension. Because of this, they possess the power of intimidation. Badass coolness is one of the hardest things in the universe to fight; in fact, there's no other energy source with that much power and influence.
Now that you have this knowledge, to go forth! Go forth into this world with reckless disregard for danger and fear! Pay no mind to vandals and hooligans! And remember! Remember that gloves are a placebo!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment